![]() Johnny Messner is stone cold as Bill, our hero. Plus, we got to see the snake, and often. The original film at least knew it was campy (Jon Voight, anyone?), and on that level it was enjoyable. So what were director Dwight Little and his screenwriters thinking? Honestly, I haven’t a clue, and I refuse to waste more brainpower trying to figure it out. ![]() This is indeed the first film I have ever seen where a monkey is supposed to show us how we’re supposed to feel about the situation unraveling on screen. Come to think of it, we see the emotional pet monkey that is the exclamation point to every scene more than the snakes. In fact, we don’t even get a decent look at a snake until well after the halfway mark, and finally again at the anti-climactic conclusion. That can only explain the total lack of snakes, which is another crucial misfire. The diabolical error that the film makes is that it actually wants us to care about this block-headed story. It would stay this way, mostly, for the remainder of the film. Furthermore, it’s snake mating season and they’re horny as ever! It doesn’t take long for the snakes to start making their appearance in the form of shadows and brief glimpses. Unfortunately for them, the snakes have already found the flower and are experiencing its powers. All that aside, he agrees to take the group through treacherous waters to find the flower, but for a price. Summoned to help is Bill Johnson (Messner), who, to me, looks very out of place in Borneo. Upon arriving in Borneo, the group realizes that they don’t have a boat. So the company dispatches the usual cast of characters (the determined Brit, the wisecracking minority, a few bossy women, and a tossed in chiseled hero once they get there) on an expedition to retrieve the Orchid for testing on humans. For a pharmaceutical company, this would be a gold mine. Deep in the forests of Borneo lies the Blood Orchid, which scientific research has just shown to lengthen lives. I should have left it alone.Īnacondas spends a very brief amount of time cluing us in on the premise, which in itself is a howler. ![]() One may have drawn that conclusion from the equally horrid trailers that have been surfacing, but no, I chose to give it a solid chance because I didn’t find its predecessor, 1997’s Anaconda, to be as bad as the reputation it has. Anacondas, subtitled The Hunt For The Blood Orchid, is a cataclysmic miscalculation.
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